plans for the future

For once in my life, i think i am sure of what i want. They say that at my age, you're supposed to already know what you want to be when you grow up and how you plan to contribute to the society. When i was 8 years old i wanted to become a doctor because i thought having a stethoscope around your neck is like, the coolest thing ever. My interest grew when i watched drama shows like Grey's Anatomy, House and ER, how epic it was to operate on people and save another human's life. When i was 12, i wanted to become a neurologist because i was fascinated by the human brain at that time. That was when i was still in Australia, and i still remember my teacher telling me that she thinks i can become anything i want, but the only problem will be choosing what i wanted to do. I truly understood what that meant when i was 15.
I had no doubts about wanting to take science stream for SPM. I knew i didn't want to become a neurologist anymore, or any kind of doctor, that is. It was a little too much for me, and i know i'm not strong enough to cope with the whole process. My cousin who is 10 years older than me just completed 7 years in Bandung and she told me all these different things she went through and i decided that no, that's not the path for me.

For a while, i was interested in psychology. The first reason was because i thought it would be cool to tell people "Oh i'm a psychologist" when they ask what i work as, because the word itself just sounds important. But later on, i became more interested in what psychologists actually do. My principal took child psychology in university and shared some of her experience with me, and i was more convinced that this was the course for me. I really love children, and i have this crazy idea that maybe learning child psychology could also help me understand my future children and help me raise them in a better way because yes, i really want to be a good mom one day. And plus, learning about human behavior is just fervently fascinating, not forgetting the fact that there are many branches of psychology to choose from.

When i was in Form 4, i had the opportunity to become a teacher for like 5 minutes, teaching my classmates mathematics. All of them understood what i taught them, and one of them even said i would make a good teacher. I instantly believed that i could become one. Not like an ordinary teacher, but a teacher who could actually make a big difference in a student's life. I was also very inspired by my class teacher, Sir Firdaus. If i'm not mistaken, he has a degree in aerospace engineering and was guaranteed a VERY well-payed job, but because of his passion to teach, he decided to give it all up and do what makes him happy. He has no regrets. His stories are outstandingly motivating, and i decided to make it a goal in my life to inspire someone like how he had inspired me. I didn't want to be a teacher who just teachers students what the textbook says. I want to be a teacher who is able to inspire her students in their life. Big dream, i know.

Maybe it's not even related, but most of my family on my mum's side are teachers. My atuk has been teaching for 45 years if i'm not mistaken, and he still teaches, even though technically he is retired. He was awarded the best teacher in Malaysia in one of his years of teaching, and he was a principal for many years. My mum is a teacher, and the way she passionately tells us the stories during her classes makes me wish i could be in her class. Judging from the amount of presents she receives on Teacher's Day, i'd say many students adore her. I also have many uncles and aunts who are also teachers. I want to believe it's in the blood. I do think i have the passion to teach. But what i'm most certain of is i want to do something to contribute to the children of the future.
So it gave me an idea that's probably not that good but still, it's an idea i'm confident about, and i'm rarely sure of myself. What if i studied psychology in university, and become a teacher? Having knowledge about human behaviour would be a great advantage for a teacher, and becoming one, i would be able to apply the skills and knowledge i learn. Another thing that motivates me to become a teacher is the fact that the rewards you get from Allah SWT would be consistent if your students apply or spread the knowledge that you give them. MasyaAllah.

Lately, i've been thinking of which university i would like to apply for after SPM. I am very, very interested to go to International Medical University Malaysia(IMU). I checked out their psychology course and it really captured my interest. It's also not that far from home, and i would love to have the experience of being around people from different countries. And their medium of communication is English! I feel like it could be my place. Oh, and they are active in debate too! The only catch is it's a private university, so it will probably cost a fortune for my parents. I don't want my parents to pay for my tertiary education so i really want to try and get a scholarship that would support me there. Getting a good scholarship in the first place would mean that i need good grades for SPM. I really want this, and having a clear goal motivates me a lot. My dad wants me to go to Nottingham University Malaysia but it's more expensive, so we'll see how things go. My backup plan is to go to IIUM, it's pretty good too.

I am so close to really start my life. It's frightening, but i'm also very excited to see what it will be like. InsyaAllah, i hope things go according to my 'plan', but even if it doesn't, i know Allah has the best plan set out for me. Please pray i'll make it, in shaa Allah.